When it comes to romance, it’s easy to get sucked into wondering what men want or how to be more attractive in their eyes.
Women read fashion magazines, spend hours at the gym, join dating sites, solicit advice columns, and even seek therapy all in the name of discovering why they’re so unlucky in love.
But the answer is simpler than you probably think. It might be more counterintuitive too. In order to find love with another, you must make it about you….not them.
To understand the concept we’re about to introduce, let’s first look at exactly what happens when you go through a breakup. There might be tears and fears and even a pint or two of Ben and Jerry’s. Yet whether you break up with someone or they break up with you, a breakup usually is hard for both people involved.
During a breakup, we’re not only breaking up with that someone else; we’re also breaking up with that part of ourselves that we’re no longer attracted to. We’re breaking up with who we’ve become in the relationship, the part of us we no longer wish to deal with, the part of our own selves that we are tired of.
So, what exactly does this have to do with becoming more attractive?
Well, it has to do with you—to become more attractive, you must first be attractive to yourself. So, stop for a minute, allow yourself to abandon the parts of you you dislike, and ask yourself: How am I attracted to me? What way is my attraction to myself allowing me to show up in dating? How is my attraction to myself giving me the power to be present with someone else?
Doing this reverses your attention and your focus—you’re no longer doing XY or Z to attract him; you’re doing it to attract you.
You’re no longer concerned with liking the company you keep; you’re concerned with keeping yourself company. You’re no longer occupied with the strengths and talents of someone else; you’re attracted to your own. Not to say you need to practice running into your own open arms, but it is to say that you won't find yourself worthy of the love of someone else until you are first able to love yourself.
So, how do you know if you love you? The quickest way to find out is to notice if you’re being yourself.
Are you being true to you or are you playing games and employing tactics? Are you being true to your essence and your values, or are you putting on a mask and pretending to be someone you’re not? Are you speaking your mind or are you saying what you think he wants to hear?
One of the most important questions to ask yourself as you try to engage with the above is this: Would you date yourself? Do you find what you’re saying interesting? Would you have a good time wining and dining you while a jazz band played in the background? Are the stories you’re creating attractive to you?
If you can answer yes to the above, then you’re tipping the dating scales in your favor. Simply put, if you’re attracted to yourself, you up the odds that someone else will find you attractive as well.
In fact, it’s this that makes couples go the distance. If you look at people who stay together for the long haul, those who are married for fifty or sixty years, there’s no magic potion or top-secret trick. Rather, they feel as though they can be themselves around each other. And that’s the key to happily ever after.
So, why don't we take that concept and apply it to the beginning stages? Why not find someone who you can be yourself with from the start? Instead of studying that person and making sure they fit a checklist of ideal traits and “must-haves,” why not just look for someone who allows you to be you? Why not just date someone who feels like home?
Dating is hard, but cutting to the chase can make it very rewarding. There is freedom in abandoning roles, ripping off masks, and doing away with fake personas. If you want to find a real relationship, then you must be willing to be real.
If you’d like to know more about this topic, join us for our webinar on The Three Keys to Being Relationship Ready. In it, we’ll discuss how you can be yourself and be loved and why vulnerability plays a major role in finding romance that lasts forever. Click this link and choose a time that works for you.
Clayton has been empowering individuals and couples from around the world to find harmony and authenticity in their relationships. With a background in Professional Coaching and Neuro Linguistic Programming, Clayton takes a holistic approach to carefully reconstructing what is truly possible for his clients. Through his work he has revitalized relationships, brought together lost loves, and witnessed clients find their soul mates. Clayton's content has been seen on Fox news magazine, Huffington post, the Goodmen project and he's even had an article featured on The View.