Yetis. Stonehenge. The Stock Market… Life is full of mysteries! Top ranking with all this wonderment: What men really want.
This question has left women scratching their heads and writing furiously in their diaries for centuries. Cracking the male code is not for the faint of heart (or the woman short on ink). Does he want you to be laid back? Does he want you to be bossy? Does he want you to be funny? Does he want you to let him be funny? Does he want you to be a challenge? Does he want you to be submissive?
What is it, exactly, that makes a man fall in love?
The answer is actually quite simple, but still elusive: Your essence.
How men fall in love largely has to do with the essence of a woman —the real you that’s worth unpacking. That part of you that exists when you strip everything back, stop playing games, stop performing, and stop being the person you think he wants you to be (or the person you think anyone wants you to be).
It’s your uniqueness that leaves men falling head over heels. The way you look. The way you walk. The way you talk. The way you’re certain in your convictions. The way you think about the world. The way you’ve experienced the world. Your struggles. Your talents. Your challenges. Every big and little thing that makes you YOU.
It seems easy enough to be yourself: after all, you know how to do it! Yep, you were born for this! But, ironically, it’s not something that comes naturally to most people. Rather, it’s often blocked by the mask you put on. It’s something hindered by what you’ve been told by society. It’s something squashed when you play a part instead of slipping into the starring role of yourself.
So, how do you drop the mask so you can drop the mic? It starts by questioning yourself.
Start by asking yourself the following:
Question 1: Where and when do you feel most yourself?
Think about that for a moment – when you do you feel you don’t need to pretend to be someone else? Maybe it’s when you’re doing art or singing on stage. Maybe it’s when you’re with your girlfriends or at your job. Maybe it’s on the soccer field or volunteering with animals.
Question 2: Where and when do you feel that you’re not yourself?
Now do the opposite and think of when you wear the mask tightest. Maybe it’s with your family or at aerobics class? Maybe it’s during a PTA meeting or book club? Maybe it’s in the conference room or around new people? Only you know the answer.
Question 3: Where in your life do you have the hardest time saying NO?
Everyone has the right to say no to anything (and anyone) they want, but it’s not always easy. Figure out where it’s the hardest. Chances are, you’ll find a pattern.
Question 4: Where do you have the hardest time saying YES?
Is there a certain person or activity you have a hard time saying yes to? Take some time to think about this – journal and write it down. Maybe you have a hard time receiving acknowledgements or compliments. Maybe you have a hard time saying yes to getting out there and meeting new people. Consider what experiences you might be missing out on and why.
Question 5: What would it take for you to view your failures as opportunities to learn?
This question is important because it’s part of being yourself. It’s about trusting yourself and recognizing that mistakes don’t define you. And, in many cases, they’re necessary to grow and learn. Do you know what’s underneath all the laurels people rest upon? Struggles! All of us, every person on earth, isn’t just made up of success. We’re made of joy and pain, wins and losses, triumph and regret.
Question 6: What will it take for you to see all the challenges to come as opportunities?
Now ask yourself question 6 (building on question 5). Failures are about the past whereas challenges stay focused on the present and future. When you change your perspective to view challenges as opportunities, you stop fearing what lies ahead.
And that makes you much more willing to take a chance on just about anything and anyone.
If you’d like more on this topic, join us for our next webinar 3 Keys to Attract and Keep a High Quality Man. We show you how to step into your vulnerability, ditch your inauthenticity for good, and allow yourself to become more of who you really are. Just click this link to grab a seat at this free masterclass.