If your current experience of life was the answer to a question, what would that question be?
A bit of a strange question to get your mind around, I know.
We are constantly asking ourselves questions, consciously and unconsciously, and the nature of these questions impact how we experience life.
Tony Robbins said, “The quality of questions you ask yourself determine the quality of your life”.
Our questions determine our way of being and how we show up in our lives.
These hidden questions are so important that they can make or break your life. They dictate whether life is a wonderful journey, or a scary, stressful venture where you’re expecting the worst to happen.
If we ask disempowering questions about life over and over again, we're going to experience a disempowering way of being.
If you're feeling stuck, confused, anxious, or overwhelmed on a consistent basis in any area of your life, most likely you've been subconsciously asking yourself questions that create negative answers.
Let me give you an example: I moved to Colorado 15 years ago, and for the last few years, I've been thinking about moving. As I started contemplating this move, I started asking questions like:
“How much longer am I going to be here?”
“Why isn't Colorado more lush and beautiful?”
“Does this place really have anything to still offer me?”
As I asked these questions repeatedly, I noticed that my view of Colorado started to change. What was really happening was that I was subconsciously looking for evidence to support leaving Colorado. The questions I was asking were setting up a negative frame.
As a result, Colorado started to look old and stale, and I was unable to really appreciate the beauty of this state any longer. It became commonplace to me.
Then, about five months ago, Covid hit.
I took moving out of Colorado off the table as an option as I thought it would be best to stay put and let the dust settle with the pandemic.
Instead of thinking of leaving the state, my partner and I contemplated moving closer to the mountains and out of the city.
Two things happened as a result of this change in my focus: I recommitted to Colorado. I decided I wasn’t going to leave just yet. This commitment created the container for me to change the way I was relating to Colorado.
And, 2. I started asking different questions about Colorado because my focus changed. The new questions I started asking as I began to explore the Front Range again were:
“What kind of hidden hiking trails are in the area that I haven't seen yet?”
“I wonder what new neighborhoods I haven’t explored yet on my bike?”
“How is that coffee shop I’ve never been to?”
“What would it be like to explore this part of the state and go camping here?”
“If I decided at some point to live closer to the foothills, what would it be like to wake up and see the sunrise from here?”
Now, after a few weeks of feeling into these questions something miraculous happened. I started to see Colorado with new eyes again. I started noticing the beauty of this state like I did over a decade ago when I first moved here.
For the longest time, I thought there were only about three good hiking trails up and down the front range, (naive, I know) but asking myself these new questions consistently, I suddenly discovered dozens of trails that had been right under my nose.
Colorado started to look greener, more vast, and more striking than it had in this last decade.
Did Colorado actually change?
No, not at all.
But this phenomena once again proved to me that the world happens from the inside out, rather than the outside in.
The nature of the thoughts, judgements and questions we ask ourselves color and shape the way something occurs to us.
Because I committed to staying, I had new reasons to examine the questions I was asking myself that had made it feel lackluster and old. This commitment provided the boundaries necessary in order for change to happen.
I couldn’t run away.
If I wanted a better experience, then the only place to go was inside to reframe the way I was seeing it.
If a new set of questions has the power to completely shift the way I see a state I have lived in for 10+ years, what kind of impact do you believe new questions have on your ability to create the relationship, the business, your purpose you want in your life?
The first step is begin to bring awareness to the “hidden” questions you’re already asking that are keeping you stuck or creating an unwanted experience.
So that said, let me ask you…
What questions are you living under?
Maybe you're in a relationship right now and it doesn't have the same types of feelings it did years ago.
Maybe Covid has brought to light some differences between you two that you're feeling forced to navigate in new ways.
Does that mean it's time to leave? Or does that mean it’s time to ask different questions?
Maybe you're doing work right now that isn't lighting you up anymore.
Is it your actual job that's not giving you life, or is it actually the questions you're entertaining that aren't giving you life?
Is it the state, city, or country that isn't giving you life anymore, or is it an unwillingness to see things with new eyes and a fresh set of questions to awaken newfound appreciation?
Here are some common questions I see my coaching clients asking themselves about their situations.
“Is this over?“ (looking for negative evidence)
“Does he really love me?” (doubting their worth)
“Am I sure I'm with the right person?” (doubting their perception)
“Am I going to be single forever?” (doubting life’s plan)
“Do I really have what it takes to follow my dreams?” (doubting their power)
“How do I stop x, y, or z?” (focusing on the negative)
“What’s wrong with me?” (not seeing their wholeness/completeness)
“When is the other shoe going to drop?” (not trusting life)
“Why can't I get what I want?” (reinforcing stuckness)
The answers to those questions are a fool’s errand because these questions aren’t framed in a way that is constructive in creating an empowering reality to live into.
These questions don't create an expansiveness that allows you to see yourself, or whomever you're interacting with, through a loving lens.
Instead they create more doubt, stuckness and a lack of trust in life.
So, what if you were to let go of those questions and instead start asking:
“What can I appreciate about this person?” (creating gratitude)
“What is here for me to learn in this?” (harvesting gems/insight)
“What's exciting about this?” (creating aliveness)
“What are the new places I can explore with my partner, in this city, in myself, that I haven't yet?” (creating curiosity)
One of the greatest benefits we can give someone is to teach them how to ask the right questions, because they truly make a difference about the reality we live into.
And the sooner we teach ourselves these valuable skills, the better.
So how can you take what you're discovering from this email and apply it to the situation you're in?
What new kinds of questions can you ask that can shift the way you are showing up in your circumstance?
Creating the right questions is an art, not a science. Questions direct the supercomputer between our ears to go out and seek the answers that create a more desirable experience…
Clients hire me because through our dialogue, you’ll learn the art of asking yourself more powerful questions.
Questions that give you access to creating a vision and the ability to bend your reality to match that.
It’s like an operating system upgrade allowing you to forever shift the way you deal with life’s inevitable curve balls and unlock your dormant potential within.
If this message lands as a path that you’d like to explore together, email me at [email protected] and tell me a little bit about what you’d like to create and I can let you know if I can help.
Sometimes we need someone to hold a mirror to us and so we can see where we’re holding ourselves back.
If you’re ready, I can be that mirror for you and help you expand the vision for what is possible in your life.
Clayton has been empowering individuals and couples from around the world to find harmony and authenticity in their relationships. With a background in Professional Coaching and Neuro Linguistic Programming, Clayton takes a holistic approach to carefully reconstructing what is truly possible for his clients. Through his work he has revitalized relationships, brought together lost loves, and witnessed clients find their soul mates. Clayton's content has been seen on Fox news magazine, Huffington post, the Goodmen project and he's even had an article featured on The View.