There’s a running joke about long-term couples and their lack of sex; it seems every comedian who has ever taken the stage has alluded to it. One of the reasons for its popularity is the truthfulness it evokes. People who have been together for years, when compared to new couples, don’t have sex as often.
Of course this makes sense: just as people are likely to play with a new video game more often when they first get it, couples are more likely to be hot and heavy when things are fresh and exciting. Still, for the long-term couple, all is not lost. Talking dirty to your boyfriend can reignite the excitement you once had.
Talking dirty may be something you’re already doing, or it may be something you’ve never really considered. If you’re in the latter category, a willingness to begin talking dirty not only improves your sex life, but it can also improve your relationship. Here’s how.
1. Take the pressure of him.
Men want to please their women; they have an innate desire to be able to protect them, support them and rescue them. They also want to please them sexually. If your sex life plays out like a silent movie, you’re automatically putting your boyfriend at a disadvantage: you’re not telling him much, so he has no idea if you’re truly enjoying yourself.
But if you vocalize your pleasure (or displeasure) by talking dirty, you help your relationship in two ways:
First, you take the pressure off of him by not forcing him to guess.
Second, by telling him what you like and what you don’t, you get your goodies.
2. Tell him EXACTLY what you're going to do to him.
For many people, sex can grow stagnant after a while. It’s not that people stop enjoying sex, it’s just that they tire of little variety. Dirty talk, on the other hand, can invigorate a dull sex life and mix things up a bit. This is because talking dirty can involve pretty much anything you want.
You can act out a fantasy, you can tell him exactly what you’re going to do to him, you can ask him to do certain things to you. Really, nothing is off limits… except probably any mention of his grandmother.
3. Don't take yourself too seriously.
If you’re like many women, you may have a hard time talking dirty because it can seem demeaning. Perhaps you tire of the objectification of the female body and find yourself annoyed with women trying to get by on their sexuality and little else. Perhaps talking dirty goes against your values and you feel as though it cheapens your overall experience.
If this is the case, it’s important to remember that bedrooms are like Vegas: what goes on there, stays there. In addition, talking dirty is a great way to practice direct communication and tell him what your needs are. This is more respectable than staying silent and hoping he “hits the mark.”
You can be as wild and as uninhibited as you want underneath the sheets without compromising any kind of morality above the sheets. Inside the bedroom is not the real world; how you talk to your boyfriend has no bearing on anything else other than your and his pleasure. It’s merely something that's fun and exciting, and no one’s business but your own.
Now that you've had a taste of how this can take his love for you to the next level, if you'd like a few done-for-you phrases guaranteed to make him hot and bothered while he's at work, click here.
This article was originally published on Yourtango.