I heard a quote once that was so unusual it gave me an entirely new perspective on relationships. A man said to his partner when renewing his vows... “I promise to never know you.” At first, I thought, “What? I don’t get it.” It seemed counterintuitive, like an insult to his partner that he wasn’t interested enough to get to know her inner workings. But then I thought about it and it hit me. It actually goes much deeper [...]
If you’ve been in a relationship for a while, sometimes what you come up against is a sense of staleness or a lack of newness in the relationship. What you appreciated in the beginning about your partner you may start taking for granted. You might forget to appreciate or even see the gifts that your partner is bringing to the table as the relationship goes into the longer term. As time goes on, these blind [...]
Boundaries tend to be misunderstood, but the truth is, they are a requirement for healthy connections. Why are they important? They create the structure from which you build a healthy relationship and bring your whole, authentic self into the relationship. Let’s start by outlining some evidence you might not have healthy boundaries. What this might look like is the following: Not speaking up when it’s important. Giving your time away by saying yes when you [...]
Not all flaws in a relationship are created equal – some things are easier to surmount than others. In fact, there are a handful of particular flaws - the Seven Deadly Sins of a Relationship - that are especially lethal. Sin One: Jealousy The green-eyed monster is perhaps never more present than in a relationship. When you love someone, you want them to love you back and when you fear they don’t, envy rears its [...]
Has there ever been a time in your relationships where you said or did something that wasn’t in alignment with your integrity? The words you spoke to your partner that didn’t match with what you were really feeling, or the forced smile you gave while deep inside your stomach was in knots… If you have, then you know the pain of feeling like you're living a lie — and you’re tired of it. You might feel [...]
Over the last decade I’ve spent working with clients who are suffering from a breakup or divorce, certain patterns seem to show up on repeat. What I’ve seen happen again and again is people succumbing to a common myth. Perhaps you’ve heard of it. It’s the myth of compromise. It’s the idea that every love relationship requires each partner to make compromises for the sake of the relationship. At first glance, this seems like a [...]
In my last blog post, “Your Words Create Your Reality - Part 1”, I spoke about a client who said, “I’m just anxious in relationships”. Through some simple inquiry and deconstruction of that statement, I illustrated how by shifting the language we use, we can create a new way of experiencing ourselves in relationship and release ourselves from our own self-created limitations. Today I’m going to introduce another way we can gain mastery over an [...]
Recently, I was working with a client who was experiencing some anxiety in a new relationship and they said, “I’m just an anxious person in a relationship.” That statement almost slipped by me. I mean, it very well could be true from their perspective, couldn’t it? However, as a coach, part of my role working with clients is to pay close attention to the language they use to create their experience. Because, oftentimes, how you [...]
If I ask you, “how do you build a relationship that’s healthy and deeply intimate?” what would you answer? You might say that you need to do things like have romantic dinners and deep conversations, spend lots of quality time together getting to know each other’s inner workings. While those are all valid suggestions and might indeed lead to greater intimacy, I invite you to entertain the idea that it’s equally important to be missed [...]
So, your dating life isn’t going the way you expected. How do I know? You wouldn’t be reading this article if it was. It’s not just you: the sea is filled with tons of single fish. In fact, many people aren’t only single, but they’re also struggling with similar questions. Yep, they’re single and ready to mingle with some much-needed answers. One of the most common questions I get as a coach has to do [...]