I heard a quote once that was so unusual it gave me an entirely new perspective on relationships.
A man said to his partner when renewing his vows…
“I promise to never know you.”
At first, I thought, “What? I don’t get it.” It seemed counterintuitive, like an insult to his partner that he wasn’t interested enough to get to know her inner workings. But then I thought about it and it hit me.
It actually goes much deeper than showing interest, and it’s not apathy or a lack of care that he expressed. By saying this, this man was saying that he promised to never constrain her, to always leave space there for her to grow into who she could be, her potential, her best self. And by promising to not know her, he in turn promised to be curious about her and to not make assumptions, to allow for mystery.
Essentially, he is allowing her to continually reinvent herself, to drop attitudes and behaviors that might be familiar and comfortable to him but might actually be limiting and detrimental to her well-being.
In the dance of intimacy, we get to know our partner at a deeper level, and yes, all of us come with some baggage, especially past a certain age.
But if we say, “This is just how they are”, then we do them a disservice. We end up constraining them to their old, former selves because of the way we see them, rather than giving them the space to grow and evolve into a new person. We give them the safe space to transform and shed old skin, free of our assumptions and expectations of how we see them.
This is what it means to love – to hold a vision of someone in your mind of their highest self, and to stop assuming they will continue to do things the way they’ve always done.
Can you relate?
Can you see ways in your own life where you might be unconsciously holding a view of someone based on outdated information?
Or maybe someone is holding outdated views of you?
Let me know how this lands. I’d love to hear what’s real for you. Send me an email at [email protected] and let me know your thoughts.
If you’re wanting to create more power and love in your life I would love to invite you into a conversation with me. Drop me a line at that same email above and let's start the dialogue to see if we're a fit.
If you’d like a guide to help navigate the dating waters, tune into our webinar: The Three Keys to Being Relationship Ready—How to Attract and Keep A High Quality Man. This webinar will teach you how to notice if you’re powerless around men, distinguish subconscious roles that a lot of women fall into, and reorient yourself so you can rewrite your love story.
Click this link to find a time that works for you.