Dirty talk can really spice up your sex life!
Learning how to dirty talk is something many women wonder about (men, it appears, are born with the knowledge). Some women wonder out of curiosity, others wonder about it because their sex lives have grown stale.
Some wonder about it because they can’t see themselves ever overcoming their shyness enough to let their freak flag fly, others wonder about it cause they’ve wanted to fly their freak flag since they first laid eyes on their partner.
But, whether you’re a women who has wondered about it for years or just ever since you read Fifty Shades of Grey, learning how to dirty talk can do wonders for your sex life and, in turn, your relationship. Fortunately, it’s something anyone can do. It merely starts with these few steps:
Easing into it
Learning how to dirty talk isn’t something that can always be picked up on the fly. Some women can decide to talk dirty and the next thing they know, they’re spitting out vulgarities and secretly praying that their dead grandmother isn’t picking that night – of all nights – to eavesdrop. Other women need a little more easing in.
If you’re among the many women not yet comfortable with going from silent sex to play-by-play commentary, don’t sweat it. Just remember to start slow. There are two ways you can do this.
First, engage in nonverbal communication – it can be just as important as verbal communication. If you’re not yet comfortable telling your guy that you like this or like that, simply guide him with the push or pull of a hand. Second, try simply narrating.
You don’t need to compose some sort of crazy fantasy right off the bat; instead just say what he’s doing to you and what you’re going to do to him. You don’t want to be overly clinical about it – if you sound like a doctor describing a pap smear, you might want to add a little sensuality. But you don’t need to be over the top either: stay true to you. Most of the time, simply hearing a description of your sex act aloud is enough to more than amplify his (and your) excitement.
Say the right things
The point of learning how to dirty talk is to enhance the sexual experience you and your partner have together. But, in order to do this, the right words need to be said.
Men want to feel strong and masculine and, as all women who have ever dated know, they love to have their egos stroked. They want to feel desired and powerful. With this in mind, it’s fairly easy to figure out things you should and shouldn’t verbalize. In other words, complementing the size of his manhood is good. Eating a cocktail weenie at a party and saying “Well, this looks familiar” is not.
Play to his fantasy
Most men, if not all, have a fantasy. It can be something or someone that they’ll never actually get (Princess Leia in the golden bikini for instance – or it can be you dressed up as Princess Leia). Whatever fantasy your man has, incorporating it into your dirty talk can be rewarding on both your fronts (and backs, if you’re into that sort of thing).
You don’t need to raid a costume closet to do this; words are usually enough to allow him to step into a fantasy with you. By speaking to him, you direct his focus to different parts of your body (and his body) and enable both of you to experience each part separated from the bigger picture. This makes sex better for everyone involved.
With a better sex life, men are less likely to want to fulfill a void with porn (or even affairs). By learning how to talk dirty, you open up channels of communication in the bedroom and create a space for both of you to express what you want. A fantasy just adds to the excitement. And there’s probably not a relationship around that can’t benefit from a little heart pounding fun.
Not worrying if it doesn’t work
Learning how to dirty talk can very much be an art form and, as a result, can take some time to perfect. If it doesn’t work the first time and you and your partner find yourself giggling like schoolkids instead of enhancing your sexual gratification, don’t worry. Simply try again another time.
Dirty talk can take longer to get used to some more than others. It’s important to remember that there’s no time table; your relationship probably won’t disintegrate if you’re not apt at dirty talk the first, second, or even third time you try. Like most things with relationships, it’s repeating the effort that counts.
This article was originally published on YourTango.