Do you ever feel like insecurity is sabotaging your connection with someone you love?

In my now decade of coaching, here are some of the most common ways I've seen that create unnecessary insecurity in your life.

1. You're mistakenly thinking that relationship confidence comes from what you are DOING

and/or

2. You think your confidence comes from what you HAVE…

Both of these are brilliant strategies for remaining alone and insecure for the rest of your life.

The DOING
-Over the top romantic gestures
-initiating too often
-sharing too much too quickly
-not being comfortable with silence
-too MANY acts of service

What a GREAT way to kill intrigue.

The problem with basing your inner security on what you're DOING in a relationship is it's not sustainable.

It's an exhausting way of behaving in connection with someone and will have you feeling like you're on a hamster on a wheel of performance.

The second way you may be creating insecurity in your relationship is by believing that your confidence and security come from what you have.

You may think (perhaps unconsciously) that the more you have, the more secure your relationship will be and if you lose what you have, your partner will leave you.

THE HAVING
– the money you have
– the toys or assets you can afford
– a physical ability
– Your looks, youth or figure
– OR social connections

Unfortunately, putting your security in these items is like building your confidence on shifting sands because everything outside of us is impermanent.

Money comes and goes, looks fade, and investments may crash.

There will ALWAYS be the wolves of insecurity growling at your door if you source your confidence from external things.

So where do you go from here if you can relate to any of the above?

Here's a very simple shift in focus that will unlock greater confidence.

Try this one on, focus on who you are BEING, to cultivate deep inner security that no one or any event can EVER take away from you.

Start paying attention to:

-What are the INTENTIONS behind your actions?

-How you CHOOSE to react to unexpected circumstances?

-Your POISE in the relationship

-Your CHARACTER in how you show up

-Do you act with integrity when no one’s watching?

-Do you speak truth from loving kindness to those you care about?

-AND How do you invest in yourself?  Your awareness, your power in the world?

Who you are BEING in relationship only ripens with age.

Everything could fall apart, yet your BEING can alchemize all of that upset into character, wisdom, an open heart and surrendered living.

This way of BEING is magnetic.  It's wildly attractive and it bleeds into all of your relationships positively.

And here's a reminder:  Whoever you are with right now doesn’t love you because of what you do or have…

They fall in love and stay in love with you because of who you are BEING.

When you shift your attention off of whether you're doing enough or have enough and instead, onto who you are being, you focus on the highest leverage point to create infinite security within.

How has this landed for you? Can you relate to these ideas? I'd love to hear your thoughts. Send me an email at [email protected] 

And if you’d like a guide to help navigate the dating waters, tune into our webinar: The Three Keys to Being Relationship Ready—How to Attract and Keep A High Quality Man. This webinar will teach you how to notice if you’re powerless around men, distinguish subconscious roles that a lot of women fall into, and reorient yourself so you can rewrite your love story. Click this link to find a time that works for you.