If you’ve been in a relationship for a while, sometimes what you come up against is a sense of staleness or a lack of newness in the relationship.
What you appreciated in the beginning about your partner you may start taking for granted. You might forget to appreciate or even see the gifts that your partner is bringing to the table as the relationship goes into the longer term.
As time goes on, these blind spots may grow into festering wounds where the other person doesn’t feel seen for who they are or what they bring into the relationship.
Recently, while on a hike with my partner, we asked each other a rather simple question that opened up a profound conversation that led to more love and appreciation.
The question is a simple one, but it gets to the heart of the matter in a direct way:
“Is there anything that you would love for me to appreciate more about you that I currently might not be seeing?”
What asking this question does is two things:
1. It gives you and your partner a chance to appreciate those things that may be starving to be seen in each other.
2. it presents just how good the relationship already is, inviting gratitude and even more appreciation.
Whatever the result – it’s a win win!
“I would like you to appreciate X about me more”, is actually a statement defining what that partner feels they are bringing to the relationship as an offering, of where they see their value, and it invites the other to reframe it as such and express gratitude for it.
My partner revealed three different areas where she felt I wasn’t seeing her full expression.
I thought I had been seeing her and expressing appreciation in the way she needed it, but upon further exploration, an invitation arose to see her through a new lens and be a better support in my presence and witnessing of her.
She gave me a path to win with her in the relationship and bring us closer through this conversation.
When she asked me the question, what I noticed was that there weren’t many places where she wasn’t seeing me in a way where I felt appreciated, and in that moment I got even more in touch with just how supported and seen I felt.
One thing to note: when asking this question, an important perspective to take is that you’re both on the same team.
This is an opportunity for gratitude and co-creation, to see the relationship and partner through a new lens, not an exercise in pointing out faults or lack.
Growing a healthy relationship takes active participation, presence, and a commitment to being loving.
Asking this simple question is a step you can take today towards a deeper and healthier connection and I invite you to add this to practice.
How does this land with you? I'd love to hear from you. Send me an email at [email protected] and let me know how this landed for you. And if you feel like you’d need a professional nudge to help you move along in the process, fill out this application to see if we might be a good fit for some 1:1 coaching.
If you’d like a guide to help navigate the dating waters, tune into our webinar: The Three Keys to Being Relationship Ready—How to Attract and Keep A High Quality Man. This webinar will teach you how to notice if you’re powerless around men, distinguish subconscious roles that a lot of women fall into, and reorient yourself so you can rewrite your love story. Click this link to find a time that works for you.