I was heart-broken and distressed. At 18 years of age, the love of my life left me. She was my everything. The person I looked up to most, admired, and loved. But from that day onwards, she wanted nothing to do with me.
Now you might think it's crazy to be so “young”, so crazily in love, and so painfully broken after such a separation.
But for me, it felt like my world fell apart, the rug was pulled from under my feet, and I had nothing left to look forward to in my life.
where did I go wrong?
what more could I have done?
These questions plagued me. Because she didn’t give me an answer. And I certainly didn’t have an answer at the time.
Bewildered and grieving about my life, I couldn’t imagine life could get any worse than this.
But it did.
Shortly after, my father passed away too.
It was devastating.
At that point, I almost lost all hope that life could ever get better. EVER.
I was in so much pain; I isolated myself from relationships, I started to question everything about myself and life
who am I?
what am I supposed to do now?
what’s the point?
Question after question, I was driven nuts. I couldn’t sleep. I couldn’t eat.
Because I wanted answers.
Eventually, something inside me told me there was much more to life than just settling for a life of misery.
I used my pain as a motivating factor to I turned it into hunger. I committed many days, and many years (almost 20 to date) to personal growth and development.
From seminar to seminar…
From coach to coach…
From one modality to another…
Social Dynamics, NLP, Hypnosis etc.
Over the years, I personally invested close to (if not over) $100,000 in seminars, personal coaching, and workshops.
Some worked. Some didn’t. But I would dust myself off and continue.
During that time, I also closed off my heart to all relationships. I was afraid to ever go through such a devastating experience again.
As a result, I avoided intimacy. Instead, I applied what I had learned in seminars to succeed professionally.
I made more money than I could spend.
I bought myself a house.
I got a car.
I got the clothes I wanted.
I had the image of success. But it didn’t feel that way.
At the of the day, I would come home feeling lonely, empty, and that something was “missing”. And that something was the love I had.
But no way was I going to be open to having love if it was going to lead to so much pain.
(The material stuff was my way to “compensate” for the void of romance in my life)
But gladly, I realized this:
“How to” advice from my friends and family and self-help books gave me plenty of great information to help me with my relationships. But no matter how inspired I was to act on them, I wouldn’t take the necessary action.
Because most of the unwanted painful stuff I was experiencing in my relationships was way beyond my conscious awareness. And until respectfully brought to conscious awareness, would remain in the background, governing my every action, and remaining unchanged. Period.
Thankfully, I worked with some brilliant coaches and teachers who taught me the deeper drivers behind people’s most painful experiences in relationships, and how to adjust them so I could experience deeper connection, confidence, clarity, and closure.
Ultimately, it was learning to be comfortable in my own skin, and valuing the person I am today.
Today, I have formulated my own system and methodology which works with people to transform their relationships, and in a way that the benefits extend to all other areas of their lives including: career, purpose, spirituality, business, and money.
- Deeper connection.
- Pain-free love.
- Lasting happiness.
I found a way to work with the deeper drivers behind people’s most painful experiences in relationships, and adjusts those experiences so clients can secure a life they endear, with a love that endures.
Every experience shapes us. Every experience you have is precious and important.
For me, a large part of my adult relationships was shaped by events in my teenage years. And even earlier, as I discovered during my long journey of personal growth.
When I looked back at my first significant romance, I realized the important balance of give and take in relationships, and prioritizing my needs and well-being as much as my partner’s.
Rather than putting my partner on a pedestal and putting myself in the dirt, I realized the importance of treating everyone as equals and placing them in my heart.
Because the more insecure I got about my relationships, the less attractive I was to people I was in the relationship.
Rather than making my every action and move be a way to seek approval and validation, I saw relationship more as a dance between two people.
Both have their equal parts to play.
I don’t know what you are specifically experiencing in your relationships now. Whether you are in one, just out of one, or have been dumb-found trying to get into one.
But what I have learned is this:
1. It’s normal to feel what you are feeling in relationships.
2. You aren’t crazy.
3. It’s normal to reach out for help and work with someone through it.
4. There is hope.
5. Things will get better!
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