The dating world is full of wonder.
Many women wonder how to meet a man. Many women wonder how to get a man to fall in love with them. Many women wonder how to get a man to commit. Some even wonder how to get a man to change. But most don’t wonder how to qualify a man. They don’t wonder how to use vulnerability in relationships to discover true intimacy. The don’t wonder how to rely on the genuine and the real.
Many of us, women and men, don’t realize the power of authenticity. But, in dating, it comes down to this: the truth really shall set you free.
The Importance of Trust
When it comes to romance, we know that trust is important, but we often think of it in the context of something that can be broken. We don’t think of it in terms of something that needs to be granted.
At the foundation of a relationship – when you are building that relationship – is trust: it’s hard to be honest with someone if you don’t fully trust them. And it’s hard to be yourself when you know you’re not fully trusted.
For woman, trusting the masculine can be scary but it comes with plenty of benefits. It creates a runway for the relationship to take off and reach new heights and it allows you to connect with a man on another level.
When you trust the masculine, you’re declaring that you want to show up, feel deeply, and bask in total freedom. You’re embracing a relationship without control or judgement. You’re choosing to leave your old baggage at the proverbial airport carousel and escape from the prison of past insecurities.
This is such a necessary step because, often, when we’re failing to trust someone, we’re looking at them from an outdated lens. We’re reacting to them because of the past – we’re bleeding on them because someone else cut us.
Without trust, there’s no room for the people in the relationship to step into their own integrity. If you’re a woman who is unable to trust a man because another man hurt you, you’re not giving him space to arrive at his best self. Instead, he’s constantly on the defense, drowning in a sea of judgement and confusion.
Maybe this has happened to you – maybe you’ve been in this situation before. Have you ever walked away from a relationship wondering “What if?” Have you walked away with suspicion, thinking “What if I didn’t really give him a fair chance?” If you’re wondering that, then odds are there is a reason. Odds are your suspicions are correct and you never gave him a chance to step into himself. You were looking through a distorted lens and let go of a good guy because of it.
That’s not only painful for him; it’s painful for you too.
Of course, this is easier said than done. Many women are afraid to trust a man, scared that he’ll take advantage of her or reject her. The irony is her opening up to him makes him less likely to reject her. It makes him feel safe and wanted.
Everyone can benefit from moving into life where they are committed to having an open heart regardless of what has happened in their past. That’s not to say that people should never trust their instincts, but it is to say that every dating experience is worthy of taking an eraser to the chalkboard and beginning anew with a clean slate. Everyone can benefit from not allowing something outside of them (and outside of their control) close their heart to what-could-be possibilities.
If you can honor courage over fear, the frustrations you have with dating – the worries and what ifs – will silence and, in their place, true intimacy can blossom.
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